It's different now.
We're thinking about children. Biological, maybe or adopted. I don't mind either way. We'll see.
There has been an exit from my life that has left a massive, gaping hole that makes me sad lots of the time. I won't discuss it in more detail, but it's there. Every day.
I went back to work. I loved it. We decided I'd stop in honor of the child plan and the amount of time we were missing together. I love that too but I think I'll deeply miss working since there isn't a plan for me to go back to that any time soon.
I'm spending time thinking about the stories that have formed me. I'm talking about them to a therapist and getting it all sorted out. I think it's helping me.
Next month I'll turn 35. I'm middle aged. I don't usually care about birthdays but this, to me, seems terribly significant.
It just seems like everything is different now. It's not bad. It's just different. I'm adapting.
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Great post STeph. Good idea to see a therapist BEFORE children - you'll have someone to turn to when they arrive :)
ReplyDeleteThirty five isn't middle aged anymore. You've got quite a while before that hits.
Love you.