No answer.

While I often deal with tragedy in my line of work, I don't often feel overcome by sadness. Today was not a usual day which lead to my taking some time tonight to muse. I was surprised to find my mind coming to the most random of thoughts--my habits about answering. The door, the phone, Skype--whatever requires answering.

Somewhere in the last few of years I descended so far into myself that I've stopped answering.

It started in Missoula when I knew that there was not likely to be a visitor at my door, just someone looking for directions or possibly payment on a bill I owed. That seemed to make sense.

Also, who wants to answer the door when they've been in pajamas for three days? Oh, the life of the unemployed.

Somehow that's continued into my time here in Utah. We have several darling girls who come down the street to visit my dogs and, sometimes, me. It started well and then it was, "I'm not in my makeup and the kitchen is messy. I'll just answer it next time."

Now it's gotten to the point that I don't bother to answer unless I'm expecting someone.

Today it occurred to me that life will always be full of tragedy, lonely times, times we're aching in the eternal seconds until someone arrives to help, desperate for their company and here I am eschewing the opportunity.

Inexcusable. Consider my door and line open. I'm making a goal to answer, despite the status of my makeup and kitchen.

New Jersey

Every now and then I come to a point where I need to escape from my own mind for a period of time. When that comes, I turn to Stephanie Plum.

I very much enjoy my time as a bounty hunter.

How Vegan of me!

We're part of a CSA/farm share this year. It's a really eye opening experience. We've had lots of different produce meals this year but I stumbled onto one I think still stay around tonight. Kale chips.

It's terribly shocking because I typically detest kale. But if you remove the stalk, add a tablespoon of awesome olive oil, a few dashes of salt and then roast them on some parchment paper (and a non-insulated cookie sheet) for about twenty mins. Turn them about half way through.

Then cool them and enjoy! Super healthy, crunchy (which is shocking!) and yummy.

I sound like Alycia Silverstone.

Perpetual

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like laundry never, ever ends? I swear that it's impossible to be caught up.

It's making me consider a move to Florida for a textile-free life.

Verticality, it's own reward.

I've started a practice of Bikram yoga again. I started this particular practice before looking into the controversy of Bikram's yoga versus all other types of yoga. Who knew there was such a range of ideas and practices? I certainly did not.

For those not familiar, Bikram yoga is performed in a room that is one hundred and five degrees. The same twenty-six poses are performed twice as you progress through the class.

I love it.

I love the heat, I love the repetition and I love that it feels like I can relax knowing what is coming so that I don't have to spend time in my anxiety about the future. I don't know that I will always love this practice but I love it now.

As I was in class the other day I had a somewhat startling revelation that my skin was literally shedding at a rate that surprised me. Apparently I hadn't been doing enough for my skin lately and it was ready to drop some cells and move along.

I then paid homage to my skin for it's obvious and lovely analogy.

Each time I'm in a class and I'm able to do a little more, stand a little longer, pose a bit more properly I'm excited for this new body, new life I'm unwrapping and I'm reminded that it's got to be one cell at a time.

Six souls, one bed.

Michael and I are slumped over our computer desks not feeling so well. I think dinner turned out to be poisonous. And not even the really dramatic kind.

We had a great conversation tonight about my continued efforts, our continued efforts in fact, to rescue dogs. Today there is a puppy asleep in her crate next to me. Later when we crawl into bed there will be a great big lab on one side of the bed, the puppy, us and a pug with her constant feline companion sleeping between our legs.

It's a crowded, complicated arrangement. And I'm so lucky to have a partner that will deal with the complications, take them in stride and surrender some of his sleep and space to these lovely little souls who pass through our lives.

Darling Ramona!

I do love you. I could reply to your email but I figured I'd make an event of it and just blog!

Here are some new things:
I am working again as a dispatcher. I love it. I'm so much happier working!
Our garden is growing.
The sun has come back.
My brother has a broken femur from a smokejumping accident.
My Mom has (with very early detection and great percentages) thyroid cancer.
I'm starting yoga again.



The end of this winter was very difficult and it was longlonglong. I was so done with the gray skies that I was nearly unbearable to be around. Ask Michael, he'll tell you. Eventually the weather broke and I've started to come alive again. We have a garden in and it's thriving. We're taking part in a farm share. We're cooking. We're enjoying each other. We're falling behind on laundry and remodeling rooms.

It just feels like spring, despite the summer reality and the busy time of preperation for things to come.

I haven't picked up a camera in weeks. There was something about the foray into professional photography that really stifled my soul. I can't explain it. I don't yet understand it but I could feel it. So I stopped and the rest has been perfect. It's only been in the last forty-eight hours or so that I've even considered picking up my equipment and documenting this season. Perhaps in the coming days there will be pictures.

And that is where I am. Emerging, in the words of Amy.